Why sometimes nice people are scary
It seems like its half true but overall misses the bigger picture. It ends on the note that, this kid needs to keep pressing on as nice and loving as possible, buying her flowers and calling her non-stop and eventually she will come around and everything will work out.
She never lost attraction for the suit and tie guy (who we’ll call mike.) he was just unavailable to her so she settled for ian. Over the next two months they get closer, ian really likes her. She is ambivalent the whole way, but she continues to hang out with him because why not ? He is there for her at all times and he comforts her and makes her feel good about herself. Ian ends up putting a lot of the other areas of his life on the backburner just so he can spend more time with her, always buying her dinners and gifts and constantly looking up to her to the point that she has no choice but to look down on him. Ian is now madly in love and is so happy to have a girlfriend and she remains pretty ambivalent but grateful because ian really is a great guy.
Two months later mike randomly texts her, she immediately gets excited and butterflies in her stomach. Mike asks her to come meet up for a drink, which she does.. One thing leads to the next and she ends up having sex with him. Not only does she have sex with him but it’s waaay better than the sex with ian because mike is more dominant and throws her around a bit and she likes that.
She leaves Mikes place the next day because mike is a busy man with his work being his priority and he really just wanted one off sex with her because he hasn’t seen her in a while. She goes back home and Ian on que, comes to see her that night. She can’t even look at Ian’s dorky face after her wicked night the night before. Ian knows something is up because she is being all cold to him. He asks what’s up and she breaks down telling him everything that happened. Ian can’t understand how after all the hard work he put into keeping her happy she would go bang some dude who didn’t give a shit about her. Ian starts crying and doesn’t want to lose her so he tells her “we can work through this” and she agrees because ian is a great guy and she doesn’t want to lose his support and supplication. Meanwhile her sexual attraction to Ian has now sunk to an all-time low. She straight up doesn’t want to have sex with him at all now.
The female definition of man is such that without those desired qualities above, said man would be a very scary individual. To women, men are strong, dominant, capable, exciting, (and possibly aggressive, and unpredictable–it is a desire for these last two traits that women are supposed to outgrow during their CC phase in preference for stoic).
What’s worse is even if Ian does man up and move on to a new girl (which is actually the best and only option for him now) the EXACT same shit would happen with a new girl too, because it’s at a core level that Ian has fundamental issues. He just has no idea that attraction isn’t based on nice guy points. It’s based on masculine qualities like leadership/dominance, or basically anything fueled by testosterone at it’s core. The good news is basically every man has these qualities in them they have just learned so many bad habits in this feminist equal society we live in that he thinks he has to try so hard to win her love. It’s not so much a matter of learning new ways, it’s a matter of UNLEARNING his habits of pedestalizing women.
Vulnerability =/= Weakness
Another common misconception. Vulnerability can be used to increase your value, but only from a position of power. It can only be a compliment to an already sturdy frame and decent level of attractiveness. Example: If she perceives you as attractive, you can ‘confide’ to her that you have a ‘soft spot’ for puppies. Double points if you have a puppy with you, kiss its head, and pet it. She will think you’re ‘alpha’ with a soft side that only she (in her mind) gets to witness. She tamed you. This is the same phenomenon as ‘taming’ the ‘bad boy’. It’s an ego booster. This tactic will not work if she thinks you’re ‘lesser’.
Overly nice people scare me
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